We also lie to advance ourselves, enhance our image, protect ourselves, or gain power. In other cases lies are told in order to avoid conflict or tension, or to avoid hurt feelings. Is it their ego? Their sense of security? Fear of shame? In some cases, as often happens in the beginning of a relationship, lies may be told in order to HELP solidify the bond and create closeness (“Yum, the dinner you made was delicious!”). What is crucial to consider is the motivation behind the lie, and what in fact the individual is trying to protect. Lying always has a purpose, and is often resulting from a need to protect something. Why do we lie? The good the bad and the ugly. Understatements: Minimizing or downplaying aspects of the truthĬoncealments: Deliberately omitting information that is important and relevantĭeliberate lies: Making up information, or giving the opposite of the truth (no versus yes)įelony lies: These are the big high stakes ones What constitutes a lie? Lying is not an exact science, rather it occurs on a continuum, with several distinct types:Įquivocations: Giving ambiguous, indirect, or contradictory informationĮxaggerations: Overstatements and truth stretching Peter Pearson and Neil Sattin discuss the following: Your browser does not support the audio element. Why We Lie and How to Get Back to the Truth with Dr. Peter Pearson are two of the world’s leading experts on couples therapy and the topic of honesty in relationship, and their groundbreaking book – Tell me No Lies – explores exactly these questions about how to undo the damage caused by all lies – big and small – in relationships. Why do we lie – ever? And while it’s easy to perhaps scapegoat people who aren’t telling the whole truth – as with anything in relationship – it takes TWO to tango – so how does the person who’s being lied TO help create the dynamic? Most importantly – how do you bring your relationship back into balance, so that you can experience the power created by telling the truth and being in integrity.
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